explaining what your life's about to strangers at parties: Numero Dos

If you just don't want to talk or think about your life for one night only, try these out instead:

OPTION 8: Make an unexpected reveal that appears not to suit your image.

'So - what do you do?'

'Table dancer.'


'So - what do you do?'

'I waste my life on Facebook staring at people I don't know who are friends of friends. What's YOUR name? I'll look you up tomorrow while I'm throwing up in my underwear. Hey - I love your eyes! What, are they like' [lean in too close] 'like azure/sky or something. Like rainbows.'

OPTION 10: In a non-creepy way suggest that you might slip off for some casual sex that in no way requires conversation or life back-story.

'So - what do you do?'

[Move swiftly and conspiratorially in closer] 'D'you wanna get outta here? I got half a gram in my pocket and everyone here is boring the hell out of me - you look pretty fun though.' [Nod your head seductively towards the door.] 'C'mon.'


OPTION 11: Appear to have too many Doritos in your mouth to talk coherently.

'So - what do you do?'

'I just [stuff some in as if you didn't notice this person right next to you] 'just - MUH - so good - HMM HMM - so nice - HMM HMM - to have dips - HMM MUH HMM - parties these days - sorry - mouth's - full - HMM.'

OPTION 12 (this is a genuinely viable option): Answer in a dull way and move onto an interesting topic you can bond over.

'So - what do you do?'

'Like - something in an office or whatever. There are computers. I think maybe I'm selling something. HEY - did you see X Factor on Saturday?'

OPTION 13: Talk REALLY LOUDLY so as to embarrass them away. (WARNING - this may ruin the entire party for you and several others. But at least you won't have to explain your life away to some stranger, right? I'll let you be the judge of No. 13s propriety.).

'So - what do you do?'


OPTION 14: Get them to go away and stop hastling you with irritating questions by doing this.

The awkwardness continues...

No comments: