I'm On a diet

Some stuff I write seems good at the time and then later, on closer inspection, I realise it's really, really wank. Here's a poem I wrote a few days ago while I was half asleep. It's one of those borderline poems; I basically can't decide whether it's good or awful. It was inspired by the diet I'm on, which is the Eat-Less Diet. But it's more generally about being in control of your self and your decisions. Opinion's please.


Tomorrow it begins
I am my body's king
I am the head of state
From which the ration orders ring

I'll follow, not give in
I make my mastering
I am the victory song
Which the state disciples sing

Not sorrow, or a sin
I'll lose this weighty limb
I am the soldier
Bold not bolled over
Who'll clench their fist and win

Do you see what I mean? Kinda good kinda cringe-worthy.


Jal said...

I'll be honest, poetry isn't really my thing, I don't fully understand the form (therefore am guessing I have just undermined the worth of my coming comment before I've even written it) BUT I like it- It's quirky and fun and you can relate to it! I say, it's a keeper!

Henry Fry said...

Thanks Jaleelah! That was exceptional feedback (partly because it was so nice, obviously).